


Swapped

by nightbirdrises



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 03:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2294603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightbirdrises/pseuds/nightbirdrises
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of an anonymous prompt: Kurt and Blaine somehow swap bodies the morning of their wedding and are panicking</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swapped

**Author's Note:**

> I have too much fun. Originally posted to [tumblr](http://princehummel.tumblr.com/post/95265530536)

He’s not sure why he wakes up; it feels like he hasn’t slept long enough, but judging by the light outside the window, it must only be an hour or so before he usually gets up. He can sense Blaine next to him, still fast asleep. It’s unusual for Kurt to wake up before Blaine, and he’s not (often) superstitious or anything but it seems like something always goes wrong on these days.

But nothing can or will go wrong today - he’s getting  _married_ , damn it. It’s going to be one of the best days of his life, and the inconsequential fact that he somehow woke up before his husband-to-be won’t change that if he can help it. 

Kurt sits up on the edge of his bed and stretches; he misses having a mirror in their room to gauge just how well he slept by his appearance, but it doesn’t matter. He’ll just have to walk to the bathroom and try not to wake Blaine. He doesn’t even look at Blaine - even though they’ve decided not to strictly follow the tradition of not seeing each other before the ceremony, something keeps him from glancing in the direction of the bed as he walks slowly around it, moving at a shuffling, sleepy pace.

About halfway through the kitchen, Kurt yawns, reaching a hand up to comb it through his hair out of habit - and he freezes. His hair isn’t  _curly_ , not even on his bad hair days (of which there are few, in any case). In fact, it feels a bit like Blaine’s hair does now that he has stopped wearing gel in it at night by Kurt’s insistent request.

Kurt opens his eyes some, and squints at his hand as he brings it down from his head. There’s something different about that, too, but his mind is still in that sleep-foggy state and he can’t quite put his finger on it.

His finger. His hand… which is more tan than he remembers  _ever_  being. Still, it looks vaguely familiar…

No. No way. That’s one hundred percent impossible. He’s still sleepy, that’s all, and his imagination is running away from him. Despite his weak self-reassurances, he rushes to the bathroom, suddenly wide awake as he shoulders the door open and turns to face the mirror.

The face of Blaine Anderson stares back at him in horror.

"Oh my god." Kurt splashes cold water on his - Blaine’s? - face, hoping the shock of it will end whatever hallucination he’s having, but nothing changes. He tries pinching himself, but it’s in vain. "Oh my  _god_.”

Even his voice is Blaine’s. And, well, there are definitely worse voices and bodies he could have ended up with, but he would like his hair, voice, skin, and everything back. Speaking of his voice…

"Kurt, where—" Kurt hears him clearing his throat, and the pieces start to click into place, absurd as they seem. "Uh, wow, I need some water. Are you in the bathroom?"

"Blaine, I think we have a serious problem," Kurt says, teeth gritted as he steps out of the bathroom and comes face-to-face with… himself. Blaine. Blaine in his body. And his hair is a complete mess.

It’s way too early for this.

"Oh my god, I didn’t know I had a twin," Blaine says, eyes wide. "Who are you? I thought we got a lock for the door. Did Kurt give you a key? Is this a wedding surprise?"

"Will you listen to yourself?"

"But you look exactly like me, that makes it seem like I have a—"

"No, I mean  _listen_  to yourself, then look in the mirror.” Blaine looks like he’s going to argue, maybe say something ridiculous about how he’s not going to take orders from someone he barely knows, so Kurt takes his arm before he can get away and leads him into the bathroom. “Look.”

"Kurt? Wait," Blaine says, brows furrowed after speaking but seeing Kurt’s mouth move. "My voice, it’s…"

"It’s my voice."

"But you have my voice. And my face. Oh my god, are you a shape-shifting supervillain? I’ll have you know that I’m Nightbird, the nocturnal avenger, and—"

"Please don’t say those words with my mouth."

"So, hold on. You’re… and I’m…" Kurt nods a bit impatiently. "Holy shit. Kurt, I think we switched bodies!"

"There you go. I think we did, too."

"But… we’re supposed to get married today," Blaine says, staring at their reflections in the mirror and touching his nose.

"We’ll have to postpone it," Kurt says, but Blaine shakes his head quickly.

"No, we can- We still look and sound like  _us_ , we can get married like this and no one will know!” Kurt gives him a look, which isn’t as satisfying as when he does it with his own face. “Come on, we know each other better than anyone, and we’re actors. It’ll work.”

"No it won’t," Kurt groans, rubbing his face. He even has more stubble than usual. "We need to find a way to reverse this ASAP."

"But—"

"Do you really want to get married looking like the guy you’re supposed to be marrying?"

"Well… at least I know I’ll look hot?" Kurt rolls his eyes - also not as satisfying as usual when he sees it in the mirror - and ushers Blaine out of the bathroom.

"Do you have any ideas?"

"No, but I can Google it."

"You’ve got to be kidding me."

Blaine grabs his laptop off of the kitchen table and goes to the couch, Kurt following close behind. “There are lots of body swap movies. Freaky Friday, sci-fi—”

"So we might need an act of selfless love to fix this."

"Well, maybe not that, we haven’t been fighting or anything, and we haven’t opened any weird fortune cookies recently."

"How are you so calm about this?" Kurt asks, standing up from the couch to pace back and forth in the living room. "Don’t you want your body back? I want mine!"

Blaine peers at the screen. “There’s this movie, The Change-Up, where—”

"I am  _not_  peeing in a fountain, Blaine.”

"Right. Uh, maybe we need to be struck by lightning? We can save that for last, that might hurt. Oh, how about…"

Blaine continues to read off potential ways to reverse whatever has happened to them, and Kurt soon gives up on rejecting each ridiculous method in favor of slumping into the armchair across from him. He’s still panicking, of course, but after a while he starts to feel numb with it. He even starts to plan out how they could live like this. How they could tell their friends and family - if they’d even believe them.

Not to mention how they could… “Huh.”

"What?" Blaine looks up from his laptop. "Do you have an idea?"

"No, I was just… never mind. Keep looking."

"Kurt, tell me."

"No."

“ _Kurt_.”

“ _Fine_ , I was thinking about sex.”

"What, do you think mutual orgasms could actually… oh!"

"No, that’s not- No."

"But it makes perfect sense! We had sex last night and came at, like, the exact same time. If we can just do that again…"

"Blaine, I was just… fantasizing, alright?"

"But—"

"No."

"We can just—"

"Absolutely not."

Blaine shuts the laptop and stands up. “Between being struck by lightning and having sex, I think I’d rather try the latter, wouldn’t you?”

Kurt considers him for a moment, then sighs, nodding. “Okay. We can give it a try.” Blaine smirks - and Kurt has to admit that he looks good (and isn’t that the most narcissistic thing ever?). But they’re going to have to make this quick; his face, regardless of who has it, needs its morning treatment before noon.

Except Sam’s coming to pick up Blaine at eleven. Kurt checks the clock on their alarm when they get to their room; it’s eight in the morning. That gives them three hours, which shouldn’t be a problem.

Right?

 

* * *

 

Kurt was wrong. It’s a problem.

"Okay, I can’t do this," Kurt says, sitting up.

"Kurt, come on, you know it’s me," Blaine whines, trying to pull him back down on top of him.

"But you look like me! As much as I appreciate how I’ve matured since the age of sixteen, I can’t just have sex with  _myself_.”

"You just said you were fantasizing about it," Blaine points out.

"Reality and fantasy are very different things and you know it."

"Okay, fair point." Blaine sits up when Kurt gets off of him, and Kurt notices him looking at something with curiosity; it clicks in about two seconds flat.

"Are you staring at your own ass?" Kurt asks incredulously.

"M’appreciating my assets," Blaine mumbles, crossing his arms. "You’re the one that wanted me to feel more comfortable with my body."

"Well, yes, but I didn’t think we’d end up in this particular position. People don’t usually have the opportunity to have sex with themselves."

"On the contrary…"

“‘Twincest’ doesn’t count,” Kurt sighs. “Remind me to block that weird porn site on your laptop when we’re through with this.”

"It’s not weird."

"Uh-huh. First birds, and now—"

"Hey, no, now you’re kink-shaming. You’re a kink-shamer."

"Blaine, I’m pretty sure you can’t find ‘fucking your body-swapped self’ on any lists on the Internet."

"You’d be surprised. I saw a  _lot_  of stuff when I was looking for Star Wars fanfiction to read to Sam. Body swapping is relatively tame.”

"The point is, I am certain I won’t ever be able to get it up if I’m staring at my own face the whole time." Kurt takes a deep breath to calm himself. Blaine reaches for his hand and grasps it, smiling at him.

"We’ll figure it out, alright?" Kurt nods dumbly, staring at their hands. An idea starts to form in the back of his mind. "Kurt?"

"We still have our old mirror stashed away, right?" Kurt asks, still looking at their hands.

"Yeah, it’s in Rachel’s old room. We really need to get that cleaned up, by the way." Kurt looks up, grinning, and Blaine is visibly worried. "Why?"

"Go get it. I have an idea."

 

* * *

 

The sun is shining, the other side of the bed is empty, and Kurt groans because he has just managed to have the weirdest wet dream in the history of wet dreams, and his sweatpants are a mess. The first thing he does is look for the mirror to check his reflection - which isn’t there. Right, because he just woke up from a dream. He didn’t  _actually_  jerk off next to his fiancé while in his fiancé’s body and looking in a mirror.

Or did he? Blaine’s not here; maybe Kurt somehow passed out after coming and Blaine’s putting the mirror away himself. But that can’t be right because Kurt knows he wasn’t wearing pants. Or was he? He can’t remember.

"Hey sleepyhead," Blaine says, and  _god_  it’s so nice to hear that voice coming from Blaine and not himself. “Did you sleep well?”

"Uh…" Kurt feels himself turning red as he looks up at Blaine, who’s wearing a pair of jeans for some reason. Blaine frowns, confused, but then he’s grinning. "I swear to god if you judge me—"

"Nope, no judging here," Blaine says, putting his hands up. "Let’s just say you slept  _very_ well. And, um, so did I, actually.”

"You…" Kurt looks at Blaine’s jeans again. "Oh."

"Yeah." Blaine reaches to rub at the back of his neck. "That’s not a bad omen, is it? Do we need to change the date?"

"No, no," Kurt says, shaking his head. "I’ve waited long enough for this day to come." Blaine cracks a wide smile.

"We’re not even in our mid-twenties."

"And yet it feels like I’ve been waiting lifetimes," Kurt tells him, standing up. He winces at the feeling as he searches for a pair of pants to change into. "Make us some breakfast while I put my dignity back together?"

"Of course. Love you!" Blaine calls just before he ducks out of the room, pulling the curtain shut to give Kurt some much-needed privacy in which to pull himself together after that craziness of a dream. He briefly wonders if it is a bad sign, but quickly concludes that he would want to go through with the wedding even if a black cat crossed his path as he walked beneath a ladder. He’s getting married to the love of his life, and that trumps all silly superstitions.

He’s still curious, however, so as soon as he sits down at the kitchen table with Blaine a few minutes later, he can’t help but ask, “What was your dream like?”

Blaine takes a long time to answer. When he does, he shrugs. “I don’t know, I don’t remember much. I just know it was really weird.”

"How so?" Blaine shakes his head.

"Trust me, you don’t want to know."

Kurt almost persists, but then he decides that he’s had enough weirdness for one day without them having the same dream. Which, well, they probably didn’t, but he’d rather not take the chance of knowing.

The important thing is that, by this evening, Blaine will be his husband, he will look like Blaine, Kurt will look like Kurt, and they’ll live happily ever after. If this means that Kurt never touches any fortune cookies again for the rest of his life, well, he’s not being superstitious, just cautious.


End file.
